1001 Nights Cast

Mr. Chairman, if I may, what I said earlier in answer to one of your questions is not quite true and, with your permission, I’d like to correct it now, for the record. Because I really do appreciate the opportunity to come here to Congress and correct the facts. I mean, I believe in facts and I realize now that I misspoke. Or, that, something I said could be misinterpreted.

And you’d like to correct it?

Yes, with your permission.

Which question are you referring to?

Well, the one where you asked me why the guards we send over to Iraq cost so much.

Why each one costs the American taxpayer almost fifteen hundred dollars a day? That question?

Yes, that’s the question.

And you misspoke your answer?

Yes, I believe I did.

Can we see the transcript please…Thank you. Okay, here I see the question. It actually didn’t come from me but from one of my colleagues. But here it is…the gentleman asks you if you can explain why the private guards employed by Blackwater cost so much. And I’m looking at the transcript and at your answer and, correct me if I misquote you here because we want to get these facts straight. He asked you why the guards cost so much per day and you said it was because…quote…‘they are not showing up at the job naked.’ End quote. Was that your answer?

Yes, sir, it was.

And you would like to correct it?

Yes sir, I would.

Okay, we’re all ears, and thank you for your candor, Mr. Prince. What would you like to change about that answer.

Well, sir, upon thinking about it, I’d like to say that it’s factually wrong.

Wrong?

The part about them not showing up naked, sir.

What exactly to you mean, Mr. Prince?

Just that, sir, it’s not accurate. It’s not a fact, in fact, that they don’t show up naked.

You’re saying what, exactly?

I’m saying, Mr. Chairman, that they do, as a matter of fact, show up naked.

…Now Mr. Prince, if I am hearing you correctly, you actually want the House of Representatives of the United States to believe that the private soldiers protecting our diplomatic envoys day in and day out in Baghdad are showing up for work naked.

Yes sir, that’s what I’m saying. That’s a fact. And that fact is, in fact, why they in fact cost so much. Because, in fact, it’s hard to recruit persons with the proper qualifications who want to go to Baghdad naked. It takes, I guess you’d say, a special kind of American, one who loves his or her country dearly and is willing to…

Are you making fun of this committee, Mr. Prince, because if you are, I’d strongly advise you against it. I can have you cited for contempt.

I am only telling you the facts, Mr. Chairman. And I should make clear that their bodies are partially covered up by the straps for their guns and radios and what not. Lots of straps and guns, in fact. Big guns. And straps, some small, some big.

But other than that the guards are, in fact, naked.

Totally sir.

Mr Chairman if I may…

The chair recognizes the Republican gentleman from Connecticut, Mr. Shays.

I’d just like to say to you, Mr. Prince, that you are doing a perfect job.

Thank you sir.

That’s all I wanted to say, Mr Chairman.

Congressman Shays. Now Mr. Prince, back to this issue of naked guards…

Excuse me Mr. Chairman but don’t forget they have straps and guns.

Yes, yes naked men with straps and guns. But the question is…

Excuse me Mr. Chairman, but I feel it’s my duty to my employees to point out that they are not all men. We’re an equal opportunity private firm.

Right, thank you, Mr Prince. And the women are…

Naked.

Yes, ahhhh, yesss. So these are the facts, you say.

Yes, sir they are.

Okay, so my question then, Mr. Prince, given the facts,…why? Why naked men and women with straps and guns to protect the state department? Can you explain why?

I think I can sir. You may not know that in what we call an asymmetrical war, like we have in Iraq, it’s extremely difficult to tell who is the enemy and who is your friend.

Yes, Mr. Prince, we’ve discussed that many times in this committee.

Yes sir, but at Blackwater we’ve discovered that, especially in a Muslim country, there aren’t a lot of other naked people on the streets. Not with belts and guns, anyway. So this way, we’re able, you see, in fact, to recognize the enemy.

Ahhh, hmmm, I see, they’re not naked.

Muslims, in fact, are never naked.

Hmmm, interesting.

And unfortunately expensive, Mr. Chairman. How much would you want to be paid?

Yes, I see, Mr. Prince.

Mr. Chairman? May I?

The chair recognizes the Democratic gentleman from Illinois, Mr. Davis.

Thank you Mr. Chairman. Naked or not, I would just like to ask Mr. Prince whether he will or will not concede that Blackwater has killed innocent civilians.

No sir. I disagree with that. There could be ricochets. There are traffic accidents, yes. Even in this great country of ours, it’s known that naked people can cause traffic accidents.

And those are the facts? And you wouldn’t like to change that answer?

Yes sir, and no, sir. I mean, they are the facts and no, in fact, I wouldn’t change the facts.

Mr. Chairman?

The chair recognizes the Republican gentleman from Georgia, Mr. Westmoreland.

Thank you, Mr. Chairman. I just want to thank Mr. Prince for a very good job.

Thank you, Mr. Westmoreland. In fact, thank you very much.

I was wondering, Mr. Chairman, if we’re finished, if there might be some little souvenir I might have from today? This nameplate with my name on it, for instance? Yes? Oh, thank you Mr. Chairman, most generous.