I hadnt seen Viola for over a year. Had no idea where she might be, although I did know shed gone overseas after falling into a coma for two weeks and waking up with itchy feet. Then this email popped up.
< Hi Pip,
MysteryIm in a chateau on a mountain near a volcano. Guess which country. Deep snow out in the gardens but inside so cosysoft white frilled pillows, fab, free minibar, huge marble shower and bath with gold taps Im watching my center of gravity here the pool is divine.>
Stop! A Voice in the writers head suddenly butts in. How can you write this trivia when Baghdads burningwhen the center of gravity is this civil war attracting more military. Seriously, the whole Middle East is going up and youre writing like youre going to dance to the airport for a holiday
Well yes. Okay. But I didnt expect the soundtrack to Armageddon to be Condy on the piano playing Brahms. Its disconcerting to say the least I mean how irrelevant is that!
The Voice goes silent. The neighbours TV is really loud. The writer, thats me, could retire to the bathroom and sit on the toilet seat lid [great invention that], but its cold in Sydney tonight.
Viola can wait. I dont need this Voice.
Cold. This week I went to the theatre to see Das Kalte Kind (The Cold Child), by Marius von Mayenburg, in which the Father dies on a toilet seat when his wife says the words India Rubber [Kautschuk, in German], too many times.
Breaking NewsTerry Hicks, father of David Hicks named Father of the Year.
Ruddock outraged. Kautschuk.
The cold child was a baby in a pramit got beer thrown all over it by its bad mother and its father fussed and fussed and peered so much into the pram the bad mother said there must be a tv in there.
Tonight on my walk I saw a homeless person settling down in the small grandstand for the night, talking to someone on her mobile. Nobody in the play had a mobile. The father turned into a stuck pig with an apple in his mouth. The baby turned out to be a doll and was violently dismembered by its parentsthat dog Barney, who ripped up Mabel, Elviss teddy bear, couldnt have done it better.
Isnt it good to see an insurance company go up its own arse insisting on a dog to mind a whole lot of toys. The dog getting jealous because the Security guy gave Mabel a bit of a cuddlejust like something out of Grimms fairy tales. Although insurance companies werent in any of their stories that I can remember.
Anyhow, I think there was a happy ending to the playat least one daughter got to fuck the sexual pervert and the other to cover herself with fake blood after her husband got a bit arrogant so she decided to stab him with a knife from the picnic.
And the cool triumphant matriarch ended up in Singapore with all the money looking for another husband to kill with words she enjoyed it so much.
The cold child had nothing to do with anything really. Thats why it was the titlewhich is another type of gravitylike Gravitys Rainbow.
You wonder what happens to gravity during a quantum leap.
That Senator McCain said a civil war in Baghdad being a center of gravity was no different from the game whack-a-mole. I dont know that game. Do Americans whack moles into holes or what. What is this game?
Going to the theatre set off quite a good week in which the whole world went ape over the Planemo twins up there in the Opiuchus star-forming region; 25% of Chinas air pollution drifted over to LA; and an artist called Liam Yates appeared in a commute suit designed to give you lots of space when you travel underground. He had prongs, water, a fan, flashing lights and a spoon dripping with yoghurt for fending off pushers and shovers.
I also had some shelves put up. My friend Denke came over to make holes in the wall. The shelves look great, like the cupboard he made, and the box. We had chicken risotto at a café near the Royal Yacht Club, then saw a Bill Hensen show at the Roslyn Oxley gallery. Some soft photos of ships hulking on the water at evening were my favourites, and his too.
Next day I picked up A Life of Boswell, and read: We turned down Gracechurch Street and went upon the top of London Bridge, from whence we viewed with a pleasing horror, the rude and terrible appearance of the river, partly froze up, partly covered with enormous shoals of floating ice which often crashed against each other. No global warming then.
Boswells Signor Gonorrhoea was getting worse all the time on his walk, having been tricked into a passionate affair with an infected actress named Louisa. Next day he takes his damned twinges, scalding heat and deep-tinged loathsome matter to the Doctor, who will not give him a discount.
< Dear Pippy, Do you watch The Bill still? Wasnt that pathetic the way they did away with Gabriel, the serial killer. Why introduce such a characterwhich lost half the viewers anyway from him getting away with so much, then cop out at the end just when >
Viola! She wont stay in the wings. I want to be Pip and go see her.
Violahow many open fires are there in your chateau? How many girls in shining armour? Dont send any more emailstheres this Voice which berates the writer for writing you. We could meet somewhere though. I want to fly out of here. How about Levin?
She emailed back.
< Great. Thats where Janet Frames gravity star shines on the mountains. Thats where you can get a giant jam and real cream doughnut.>